Monday, 5 September 2011


Well, they do a lot more than they ever did before.  Their ridiculous enlarging might be your first clue that you’re up the duff, in fact.  That might be cool, depending on how difficult they were to manage in the first place, but stretch marks in that area and changing colour nipples are sooooo not cool. Let alone when they start leaking months ahead of schedule and give you a heart attack when you get out of the shower.  Kind of petrifying, when one minute you’re holding a stick you’ve just peed on indicating your whole life is going to change forever, the next you are actually lactating, Christ!

As I’ve said before, breastfeeding is so lovely and a gorgeous bonding time, and totally natural. BUT, there is nothing wrong with not doing it. Or if things go awry and you need to stop before you intended. It’s not worth any guilt or regret or stress (you may tell yourself this often, Nic) but it’s normal to feel a bit of all that.  This blog post:
said brilliantly exactly how I felt. 

1. A failure.

2. Pathetic that my massive boobs couldn’t do exactly what they were made for.

3. Confused that professionals and the press dictated that an exhausted, sobbing mother feeding her starving and screaming child blood, scabs and nipple cream was better than a calm, happy mum feeding her contented, comfortable baby plentiful, nourishing milk. 

 Nuff said. Maybe too much information but it’s so true. Remember this.

Back to the humour of baps. Guess what size your boobs are? You will be truly shocked when you get them measured once you have finished with the “non-wired”  droop-encouraging monstrosities you are encouraged to wear during pregnancy and breastfeeding…  And you can get…..wait for it…PROPER BRAs once again! Woo hoo! Real support! And pretty too perhaps… try to convince your lovely bloke to pay for your new over-the-shouler-boulder-holders…

You will probably never look at your baps in the same way again.  And neither will your other half, or your kid. They’re an amazing part of your body with an amazing function, and deserve respect god damn it! In fact, your whole body does, for bringing that gorgeous little creature into the world and feeding and supporting it…

But the nourishment doesn’t stop there…

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