Is that a crap?

Just like all kinds of other things which you never really paid attention to before, suddenly these become a daily/ hourly issue and something which seems perfectly acceptable to discuss over coffee, lunch, in the supermarket queue…

When we brought the Duck back from hospital for the first time, we showed her around her house and cuddled her lots, and were so relieved to be out of that place of horror… We relaxed, had real cups of tea, sat on our sofa while she kipped in her Moses basket… and everything was right with the world. Then, during a late night nappy change (which of course involved both of us as it always did back then) panic set in.  What was this in her nappy?  It was so unrecognisable to us that we totally freaked out, this is what happens to their bums?? Holy crap! And as if we weren’t shocked enough, the Duck chose this uncovered bum moment to properly “let rip”, covering the changing mat, floor, and opposite wall in, well, stuff. I’m not sure I could even call it crap. I think I actually screamed. My other half gagged. And then I went into the predictable “Oh my god my baby is going to die, what’s wrong with her? What if she dehydrates and has to go to hospital and gets really ill? Oh my god oh my god!! I don’t know what to do aaaahhhhhhh waaaaaaaa” MELTDOWN.

Ring Mum. Ring friend with baby. Should we go to hospital? All the books say diarrhoea is dangerous for a new baby. So does the all-knowing internet. I’m pretty sure she might die. We’ve killed her.

So that was our first sleepless night. Not because the baby didn’t sleep, but because she did an almighty shit.

The next morning the midwife explained this was entirely normal with the first few days of breastmilk. (Really?? ) Oh right.

You still inspect pretty much every nappy though. There’s a chart for the first few too you know, although how you can chart this muck is a mystery to me.  Basically every nappy is a lucky dip.  We knew one dad who liked to challenge himself by sticking a finger in the side to check if his daughter needed changing… BRAVE…and nuts? 

Some days they poop lots, some days they don’t poop at all, some are squishy, some are not… You start using them as an indicator of health, as a hint of what to change in their diet. It is so bizarre.  You will never look at a crap in the same way. And this is waaayyyy before the potty training even starts…. Oh man….