Friday, 15 July 2011

Will you be my fwend?

Dear Me back then, 

Wow, I bet you never thought you’d have to make new friends.  

Remember that social awkwardness when you moved schools and you had the wrong school jumper and a boy’s haircut and were taller than anyone in the WORLD?  You thought that was behind you didn’t you? Well I’m afraid in the first few weeks after your little ‘un is born, quite despite the fact that you’re walking like John Wayne, you feel like a giant leaky udder and have no clothes which don’t make you look like a droopy ball sack, this is actually quite an important time for forging new relationships.
It’s tempting to retreat into the mess that is your home at the moment, but don’t! You’ve got to get out there and meet other poor bedraggled mummies, for your sanity! 

You don’t know it yet, but some of the friends you have had for many years may suddenly be lost, just like the specs that drop off your nose as you flush the loo (mum).  I won’t go into why, Nic, but my other advice is to maybe just slope off quietly if your offspring-less friends bang on about being tired. TIRED.  It will annoy the crap out of you, but just leave them to it.  All in good time Nicola, all in good time. 

Just disappear gracefully and invest your time in new friendships where people will “get” you. That’s right; you’re going to have to enrol in Mummy club.  You’re probably going to meet a fair few duds, who really do ONLY talk about babies, but keep trying, and you’ll find those other gangster mummies who couldn’t give a flying fuck about how you’re SUPPOSED to wean.  Don’t be worried about looking like a loser when you invite new people out, you can bet that they feel just as out of their depth as you.  And when you all admit to each other that you don’t have a fricking clue how to do up a nappy so that poo doesn’t squelch all the way up Junior’s back (I’m talking up to the neck here) it’s a pretty cool moment.

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