OK I think I may be coming out of my mental breakdown situation. Just in time for the Duck to enter the mother of all "DIFFICULT" phases... when I say difficult, I mean, she has gone insane. Where did my baby go?
When people in shops get annoyed, the ever-doting grandparents are mildly shocked, or daddy considers leaving, I will blame the insanity of the child on teething, the weather, or her attempting to assert her independence. What we all know, though, is that she's plotting to kill us all.
Yesterday we went to the supermarket. Sounds easy, except if you have reached THAT STAGE with a toddler. Fricking tears, tantrums and throwing things before we even got in the car. The 5 MINUTE journey was pure "I want my dummy I want my dummy I want my dummy", her dummy was in her hand, but this is of no consequence to an irrational short arse.
The Duck LOVES going in the trolley, she looks at everything and reads everything and charms passers by. OH NO. That was before. Now getting her to sit in the seat is like playing one of those wire buzzer games, you have to deftly lower her in while distracting and looking enthusiastic, all the time avoiding her feet coming into contact with any surface.... because once they touch that surface... BUUUZZZZZZ!! A kick sends the trolley flying, another hits you in the face, she screams as if being murdered and goes burgundy.
I DON'T UNDERSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!
OK, I tell myself. I'm a teacher, I do this all the time, kinda. I put my best "neutral" face on. You know, the "I don't give a shit one way or the other MoFo", and calmly explain to her that she has two choices (it works in all the books). I'm trying.
She tells me to go fuck myself.
We fight for a little bit.
Mummy decides (it was totally MY decision ok) to let the Duck walk alongside the trolley holding onto it. In no way did I suggest that if she knocked over a pile of tins and got buried in beans she would deserve it.
And do you know what? She was fine. Perfectly behaved and gorgeous. She's growing up, getting independent, and I need to let her.