You know when you have to call in sick and give an "official reason" even though your line manager knows you're ill and this is the third day in a row you've had to drag your sorry ass to the phone at early o'clock purely to say yes I'm still ill?
Well, it's stupid. And I resent it. So when I ring in tomorrow morning I'm thinking of giving the following reasons for my absence...
"I'm sorry I can't come in today because...
1. My dog ate my homework.
2. I have to go and buy a cabbage.
3. I'm worried I might shoot everybody.
4. I hate you guys.
5. Someone tied my shoelaces together.
6. I've got the farts.
7. The eggs are hatching!!
8. I won the lottery.
9. There's a gremlin in the staff room.
10. I forgot how to get there.
11. I'm dead.
12. My great aunt Fred has a hernia.
13. I'm going to a piano lesson.
14. A tree fell on me and I can't get it off.
15. I'm scared of ceilings.
16. I found a fly in my cornflakes.
17. My mate rang and said I REALLY need to go to the pub.
18. My cat fell over.
19. My fish has hiccups.
20. It's just not my bag (baby=optional)